Bridezilla vs Henzilla
The Irish Male strippers Hen-o-Meter
As male strippers we come face to face ( and sometimes body to body) with thousands of Hens every year. You are all well aware of the Bridezilla phenomenon. Approximately two weeks before the wedding the young bride becomes as tame as a bull elephant towards the end of the mating season. Tensions fly high, friends end up receiving a ton of insults and wedding organisers give back hard earned deposits. A lot has been said about the Bridezilla phenomenon. Books have been written and hotels have called the Guards and then the press. But what about the crazy hens out there.
The Hen Party is where it all begins…Male Strippers know it well
A Hen Party is an occasion of celebration, an opportunity to build that amazing team bride. At the same time it is a battleground where passive aggressive behaviours can destroy the fine power balance that the wedding will need. And while the Bridezilla is only one, the Henzillas are many. Not surprisingly most of the hens will display some level of insanity at some point during he hen party. The male strippers usually get to observe these ladies half way through the party. For instance… A hen party at 10 pm on Saturday night in Temple Bar is different from one during a pottery activity on a Sunday afternoon.
Nevertheless, there some types of Hens that will be able to drive themselves and others bonkers at anytime of the day.
The weeping bride to be
So we start with something serious. Professional male strippers understand straight away that look of distress. We are talking about “the cold feet bride”. Indeed there are worries brewing under that pound shop tiara. “Am I doing the right thing? Is he the one?”…she thinks as she accepts another baby Guinness, tequila, sex on the beach. This particular Henzilla will be the one that will hold onto the Male Stripper a bit longer, or even do things that will cancel the wedding the morning after. Not the norm but when our male strippers come across such delicate flowers they literally tip toe like ballerinas around them. Their middle name is always “trouble”
Signs to watch for: Drinks more than her single 40 year old aunt and enters in flirting competitions with her 20 year old niece.
Hen-o-Meter Madness Rating: 11/10
The bridesmaid from Hell
Why do most brides leave the Hen Party dealing for their childhood friends? Just because you were best buddies when you were 15 and she hid your vodka in her bra for you? Does that rank high in organisational skills?
The problem starts when your bestie hasn’t moved on from hiding stuff in her bra.. and keeps doing the same thing during the hen. Actually most brides and bridesmaids that fall out just before the wedding, do so because of a misunderstanding during the hen party. Simply put such Bride support acts try to relive their youth. They think of the brides favourite drink and passtime when they were both in the prime of their youth. Even when they realise that things have changed, instead of changing their hen strategy they stick to their guns. Their heart is in the right place and their take away booze is also close by.
Signs to watch for: will probably say “I love you” and ” These bitches don’t know you like I do” at least 10 times within the hour. Will ask the male strippers for a double dance with the bride.
Hen-o-Meter Madness Rating: 9/10
The Holy Mary Henzilla
This Hen is usually related to the Grooms side. The worst version comes in the form of the future sister in law…or lo and behold, mother in law. Sometime she comes in the form of the racist aunt or granny. That doesn’t mean that the brides side doesn’t display such wonderful exemplars. But the Grooms side feels obliged to set the moral standard for the whole crowd. And that’s where the trouble or fun begins. The Bridesmaid from Hell pushes the male strippers to go for a full monty while the Holy Mary wants to stop the show.
Signs to watch for: extensive crossing and a prayer book. Asks the DJ to turn down the music.
Hen-o-Meter Madness Rating: 9/10 ( just because she might read this blog and cancel some poor lady’s wedding)
The Queen of Tarts : Male strippers favourite
This particular Hen is not as mad as she seems. But she is a man eater. Having standards that melt faster than the ice caps is a double edged sword. She will provide some prime time entertainment for the ladies that have an open mind. She will also provide enough gossip for the wedding. On the other hand she will probably step …or better slam with her heels on a good few toes along the way. But such ladies always tip the male strippers. So keep them in 😉
Signs to watch for: some smart aleck calling her a slapper..and that’s when you make sure to run as far away possible. A short fuse and a good heart are a deadly combination.
Hen-o-Meter Madness Rating: 6/10 ( explosion risk low)
The Stingy Henzilla
You will always find a hen in the group that complains about money. While it is a good asset to have on board when negotiating hotel prices, an extreme version of such a gem can become tiring. The Stingerella of the company will make sure to remind everyone to pay their share, even at 1 am on the dance floor.
Signs to watch for: a large number of receipts in her purse. Skipping a round 🙂
Hen-o-Meter Madness Rating: 5/10
The Doom and Gloom Henzilla
She is the ultimate attention seeker. If she had the chance she would bring down a smiling Budha. Sadly there is no cure for such a hen type as most of the girls will feel sympathetic towards her. A naturally born attention seeker she is to be avoided at all costs. Our male strippers will even offer a free willy so that she could cheer up.
Signs to watch for: very friendly initially. She will ask the girls their opinion about some misfortune that just happened to her
Hen-o-Meter Madness Rating: 4/10
Fortunately, when you combine a group of diverse people the above Henzillas kinda cancel out one another. For example.. during dinner make sure that the Queen of Tarts and the Bridesmaid from Hell spend time together. Pair the Stingerella with the Holy Mary…and get a mini stripogram for the gloomy hen.